“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

Dear Camryn,

Today you are 12 months old.

I thought that I would have more time to write you this letter, but this year snuck up on me and before I knew it, it was last night (February 1st).  What happened to the deal we made?  I asked you to slow down.  Stay my baby forever.  We’re definitely going to have words about this later, but for now we’ll celebrate that you survived your first year.  Congratulations.  Between your brother and the dog, you’ve become quite indestructible.  Today, I asked your brother what he thought of you, and he only had one sentiment…”Cami’s tough!”  No truer words have ever been spoken.

I credit your brother for making me a mother, and you for showing me that being a mother isn’t just a symbol, a badge that you wear on your sleeve, or spit-up down the back of your shirt.  It’s the emotional roller coaster that causes laughter and screaming all in the same minute.  It’s someone who needs you, just as much as you need me.

Cami, the world has more color in it because you are looking at it, music is a bit louder because your are dancing to it.  I never knew how funny a noise could be until you laughed at it, or how much my heart would swell when you  point at me and say “mama.”  For the majority of my life, I thought I had religion, but never has there been a more reverent moment in my life than walking into your room late at night to watch you breathe, to hear your breath in the air.  Since there is a God, you’re certainly proof that he exists.

Happy 1st Birthday, sweet baby girl…

All the Love in the Universe,

Mama

P.S.  You’re going to need a few more teeth this next year…might want to think about that.

Round two of 10 in 2010.

1.  learn to play guitar.  this was my mom’s….

2. teach Cole to swim or sign him up for swimming lessons.

3.  really get my collection of vintage cameras going (i only have one right now).

4.  read one book a month.

5.  get a passport (even though we’re not going anywhere that requires one).

6.  learn a new language.  czech and italian are at the top of my list.

7.  make it to 5,000 hits on my blog.

8.  figure something out for my living room windows.  suggestions???

9.  sew something.

10.  run two miles without stopping.

Did I always want to be a photographer?  No….I wanted to be a meteorologist.  If we had cable, I’m sure I would have been glued to the Weather Channel 24/7.  Instead, I watched endless tornado videos that my dad would bring home from work at The National Weather Service.  I went to college and majored in Broadcast Meteorology.  I went on a storm chase the summer before my senior year and thought I was on the fast track to become the next Jim Cantore; standing on the beach battling the winds and the storm surge when the next hurricane came ashore.  My senior year came and went.  I graduated.  Turns out, finding a job as a meteorologist isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.  End of story/dream.

The next few years were a blur.  I moved to Georgia, got married, bought a house, and a year later had a baby.  One day, while I was going through some old boxes of random junk from when we were cleaning out the room for Cole’s nursery, I came across the picture I took with a home-made pin hole camera for my high school photography class.  It was under-exposed.  I couldn’t see anything but fuzzy outlines of some sort of object, but the memory of taking that picture and the hope and love I had that it would turn out, came rushing back.  Did I decide then that I was going to become a photographer?  No.  With 5 years of marriage, three moves, and two babies; the truth is, I’m still “becoming” a photographer.  Each time I would get my business of the ground, we move and I have to start all over again, and each time I’ve asked myself if the struggle of starting over is really worth it…….

Unpacking this last move, I hoped I would find that picture again because maybe when I saw it, the answer would be written on the back.  I’m still searching for it…..